|
Greetings Reader, The past year, and particularly its final three days, brought a loss that has profoundly changed me. You likely saw the headlines regarding British-Nigerian boxer Anthony Joshua. After a triumphant match on Netflix, he returned to Nigeria for the holidays, only for tragedy to strike: a car accident claimed the lives of his close friends and teammates. What the headlines didn’t know was the personal connection—one of those friends, Abdul Latif Ayodele, was a dear friend of my Godfather (Aka Uncle in Islam)’s Grandson. I was traveling between locations myself when the confirmation reached me via WhatsApp. Grief struck with a force reminiscent of losing my father in April 2024. It left me deeply reflective and immensely grateful for traveling mercies. I found myself thankful that my father passed peacefully at home rather than on the road. For 18 years, he drove 18-wheelers; I still remember the time my mother told me his truck overturned in a severe storm, leaving him in a long coma from which he, thankfully, awoke.
In light of this, I want to share two lessons with you:
This tragedy prompted me to reflect on my first experience with survivor’s guilt at age twelve—a story I’ve never fully shared publicly until now. I mentioned my friend Jackie in my book, Seeing Life Through a Different Lens, and why our friendship was so significant beyond the fact that we were both retinoblastoma eye cancer survivors. I’ve released an 11-minute podcast episode where I explore that journey, along with the way that love transcends dimensions, the way tragedy sharpens intuition, and the reality of grief as love left unsaid. Whether you are navigating your own loss, survivor’s guilt or seeking a way to honor a loved one, I hope this episode offers a path toward healing and resilience. I closed the episode with three questions that I now leave with you:
Click here to listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Youtube.
ON ANOTHER NOTEAre you a fans of Stranger Things? Then you know that the series concluded its five-season run by shining a light on the complexities of grief. If you have not watched the two-hour finale, I recommend pausing at the midway point—just as the characters escape the Upside Down and Prince songs begins to play on the soundtrack. You’ll likely need a moment to regroup and process the emotional weight of the upcoming scenes. Drawing on my background in storytelling, I felt a personal responsibility to ensure a proper tribute exists for Abdul Latif Ayodele. I recently shared a more detailed reflection on his life and legacy on Facebook, which you can read here ON ANOTHER NOTE Recently, I feel called to step into the work of a death doula. As a childhood eye cancer survivor, I learned early on what it means to face mortality. I carry the heavy role of receiving the news that children with the same eye cancer that I survived, are no longer living. I’ve experienced the loss of multiple immediate family members and friends. I’ve witnessed my maternal grandmother’s Alzheimer’s journey and decline and carried family stories, both spoken and unspoken. Being a descendant of the Frederick Douglass family lineage, I have learned that storytelling has always been the thread, but I’m embracing a new way of weaving it into my calling as an end of life doula / death doula. For me, this work is about legacy, memory and the sacred transitions that deserve care, dignity, and voice. My name, Zaakirah (zaa-key-ra) means the hereafter or the afterlife. So it feels like no coincidence that this path is part of my life’s purpose. If this email spoke to you, email me. I’m here to listen/read. Thank you for reading. Until Next Time.
|
What Survivor’s Guilt and Love Taught Me About Grief
