I’ve recently gotten divorced. It was really hard, but it was also years in making. We’ve been struggling for a very long time. I was unhappy for a while. As a family friend said, it basically was two good people who just couldn’t make it work. So far, we’re on good terms, and that’s okay. It was hard for me because it is still grief.
As of today’s blog post, I have been divorced for a month. I think it took a while to process but divorce does not mean failure. For a while, that’s what I thought. With that being said I wanted to hop on here and tell you three to five things that helped me get through it all.
I went to therapy. Because this was all happening during the early stages of self-quarantine, I found a therapist online using Talkspace. She just understood me and helped me talk through my traumas.
I also got to reconnect with my childhood girlfriends, the friends that have truly been there. They were with me through my divorce process – only a phone call away. I was able to reevaluate those friendships and really get back in touch and further build those what I call, sexless marriages because after all friendships are marriages too. It was fun when we could have a virtual movie night or girls night through Facetime or Zoom so I didn’t have to focus on my divorce if I did not want to.
I reflected on what could have, should have, would have been. Doing so reminded me of the woman I am meant to become. It reminded me of just how strong, loved and accomplished I am. I am naturally an overthinker but so I don’t give myself anxiety, I talked it out or wrote it out or sung it out in the songs I love from the 90’s and early 2000’s. I cried, got mad, and then happy again. This is the purest example of feelings all of the feels.
The things that I learned were what I call the 3 P’s
Procrastination: I realized there were a lot of things relating to my own personal goals that I procrastinated on. It attributed to fear of success, fear of re-entering poverty, and fear of wasting time or money supporting someone other than myself who does not show gratitude. I actively write down the goals that come to me in stillness. Now is the time to outsource and execute.
Patience: I thought I was a patient person, but I learned I have a lot a long way to go. Despite many times. Along with my kindness, it is one of those best and worst qualities of myself. I look forward to strengthening that quality.
Pleasures: All is not lost in the love department but for now, I am focusing on loving myself the way I want to be loved. I thought he was my dream man but there were plenty of lessons learned about what I like and what I don’t like and what I’m looking for and not looking for in a man.
Five Things that Kept Me Busy During Tough Times
I Started a Podcast
I started a podcast to tell my story. With this podcast, I get to virtually talk to people who would actually listen because in the end sharing my experience helps others. I am now in season 3 and I look forward to interviewing more women who have been through similar love experiences. It is perfect for the days I don’t feel like writing because I will use a transcriber for the show notes.
Going Live on Instagram or Facebook and Record Myself Talking About What I’m Passionate About
You never know who needs to hear exactly what you share in the exact moment you share it. It still allows me to fulfill my purpose of serving, impacting, and inspiring others. Some may be reading this wondering why I am talking about this, but it only makes sense. If you have been a follower from the beginning, I’ve let you into my life when I got married five years ago.
Introduce People To A Side Hustle or Skill
I am Jade of All Trades. If you read this blog post, I learned how to successfully and quickly file for my ex husband’s immigration process. Despite the emotional and financial distress, I have also helped a handful of other African and American couples reunite as well.
Plan Out My Vision Board
In my mind, 2020 is not over, honestly. Quarter 2 (or Springtime) is just getting started. After attending my first ever in person vision board party in 2018 with my high school best friend, I have updated my vision board annually. The one thing that has been there from the start is that I want to live in a “Happy House”.
DeClutter
Now is the perfect time to organize those pantries, garages, file boxes, and closets – as they say, you should not keep pertinent documents longer than 7 years. I’m a hoarder! Even though I didn’t legally change my name, I made his last name a huge part of my brand (I mean why not, it flows so perfectly and I thought we would be together forever). There are so many places online that I will still have to change back to my legal name of Muhammad, which is going to take some time. We waived lawyers. We could because we didn’t have any assets together nor any children. This just means that we are still in touch to handle the important things. It is hard because sometimes I come across notes and reminders of the good times.
Doing it, in the end, gives me a fresh place in my home to actually self-care, meditate and heal
Aside from show notes, this is my first blog post in about two years. Until I get back into the groove of things, here are ways to reach me:
Listen to my podcast for free. There are 40 episodes of various sources of inspiration on topics ranging from love, mental health, entrepreneurship, and travel.
zaakirahnayyar.com/podcast
Purchase my book- Seeing Life Through A Different Lens. The paperback and ebook version are all on Amazon. You can order the paperback directly from my website that way you can get it shipped to you from me within 2 days. The audiobook is coming soon!
Schedule a free consultation with me to discuss your brand, legacy, side hustle or social media needs. I’ll help you figure out what things you should be doing that will actually fulfill you and your family.