Marriage Infertility and Miscarriages with Fousia Abdullahi of Naptime is Sacred

Zaakirah Muhammad

Welcome to another episode of the speciously family living legacy podcast. If this is your first time listening in. My name is Kira, and I am the host of the living legacy podcast and all summer long. We have been doing a series where we feature, Muslim, entrepreneurs, so if you have listened to the podcast you know that we have to be women who share stories of resilience, and the only difference is that they are a woman of faith. So, so far I've had the opportunity to interview, other Muslim Allah said to me, met with Ruby in Episode 11, and we talked about what it is like to practice the holy month of Ramadan as well as book publishing since she is an author. In Episode 20. I got to interview my childhood best friend, Asia and she is a dietitian slash nutritionists, and then I forgot to talk to you my mom. So we talked about a book, and which is seeing life through a different lens and we talked about what it how much Islam and our religion played a role in saving my life and helping us to overcome adversity with resilience. There are a few other episodes if you want to listen and learn more about Islam, I got to interview, my bad in Episode Five so that is a very long informative episode if you want to go through that. Previously on this series, I've had an opportunity to talk to Emanuel ship, who is a journalist Khadija Abdul Aziz who is a tachymeter slash new memoir author. Dara algebraische She is a practical Muslim. And I said we have this dope Muslim woman podcast so we've had a lot of great Muslim woman if you want to continue and we're going to continue that I see it in today with fauzia, after I Abdullah II. Yes. You

Fousia Abdullahi

got that right, thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate the opportunity,

Zaakirah Muhammad

how so how is your day so far and how, how's everything going with you, good I know it's been a rough year for the last people,

Fousia Abdullahi

it's been it's been a difficult year I think 2020 has been challenging but it's also had its blessings Mashallah. I'm doing great. I just got off of a live I'm doing this new series where I interview past podcast guests. For those of you who don't know I host my own podcast called naptime is sacred and I've been doing that for the past few years, so I'm just going back and reconnecting with previous guests of the show, so it's been fun to do that weekly so far. Okay. And

Zaakirah Muhammad

that's exactly what your podcast about that time is taken very featured list of women from all over who literally do everything right. Yes.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah, so we've got like authors we've got businesswoman we've got educators the whole gamut of Muslim women and who are all very diverse and who have a story that they want to share with the world and I just provide a small space out here in the podcasting world where they can share those stories and their successes and you know what they've learned from their trials and tribulations as well.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Okay, and so when the name naptime is sacred come from.

Fousia Abdullahi

So, when I started the podcast I had little kids who are not so little anymore but at the time it was I had some elementary school age kids I had a baby I was pregnant at one point during this whole process. So it was a very challenging time when I as a mother as a Muslim always asking myself. I love taking care of everyone but what am I giving back to myself and I realized that the only time I had to myself throughout the day was when they were sleeping and naptime is usually during the day around here. And it just came up naptime is sacred it's a name that my husband helped me come up with. When we first came up with the idea for this podcast. So it's been interesting now there's no longer nap times in my house. But I still have that mentality that this is the most sacred time that a mom has. That's not midnight when she's trying to decompress that she can actually record and do interviews and things like that.

Zaakirah Muhammad

I love that, I love the idea of it because I also get the lie that podcasts are also your kind of soap UI as well so even if you're not physically taking a nap. You having this hour or so blocked off to kind of reveal yourself anyway.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yes, for sure it's that time where I feel like I've accomplished something other than motherhood like it's a blessing Mashallah to be able to have kids and to be able to raise them, but at the same time, there's that feeling that as moms we get that, you know, we need time to ourselves to nurture our, our mind and our body and our spirit and to feel like our families are not the only things that we're living for.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely. Now speaking of podcasting. I know that you love us a method you started a service to help other podcasters get started you want to tell us more about that.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah, so I took this big leap I'm still nervous about it but in the spirit of getting out of your comfort zone. I have started helping other podcasters other Muslim woman produce their shows which is, it's very difficult for it was very difficult for me and I know I'm sure you've gone through the same Growing Pains as well, learning all of these things and the one question I would always get is how did you do it, so I decided to make it a little bit easier for the next person who's going to start a podcast and provide this service Well, I can either consult with you and teach you the steps that you need to take, or I can take this headache off of your hands and produce the show for you and we're all you're doing is just recording and I can handle the rest for you. So it's been really interesting I'm working on my first show now inshallah that'll be coming out in the next few months with a group of muslimahs. So I'm really excited about that.

Zaakirah Muhammad

I love that, I love that so definitely we definitely have the links to the service for naptown the sacred podcast production in the show, as well as all the social media links. Now, you by day, are you still a pharmacy technician.

Fousia Abdullahi

No. So, the hospital that I worked out shut down which is like kind of weird for other people to hear like out of the hospital shut down. But here in Texas hospitals are like all over the place, and the one that I worked at got shut down about a year ago, so I only worked as a pharmacy technician for that one year. But it was a really interesting year I learned a lot about, you know, different kinds of medications and patient care and all the things that go into it that we don't necessarily see unless we're just running into the pharmacy to grab bar pills. Um, but it was an interesting thing to see working in a hospital and seeing how everyone works together.

Zaakirah Muhammad

I love that and and just the matter of also, I kind of hope to learn everything I feel like I've been entrepreneur all my life. So most of it with the exception of you know when life happens you get a job, you know. But it's interesting when you do work with other company and you kind of have your entrepreneur hat on and just see how they operate and how they navigate. When it comes time for running your own company. So what do you think about entrepreneurship from, you know, working there.

Fousia Abdullahi

I think the sense of independence was really interesting like I've, I've worked from home since I had my firstborn in different kind of capacities mostly as a virtual assistant where I could control the work that I was accepting the price that I was getting for it, and the times that I needed to work, but having to be at a place at a certain time that was set up by someone else and then, I think, in, because it's a hospital setting, there's a lot of rules that are there for patient care. So it was really a big change of mindset for me, which was really difficult because when you go from being an entrepreneur or being a freelancer and you're working from the comfort of your own home or your own business. You don't have to really think about how every interaction that you have, or every step that you take can impact someone's life as a pharmacy technician I had to be very very conscious of every step that I took every pill that I put in a dispenser every you know typo that is on an you know on the computer all of those things can make a huge difference in patient care. So that mindset was really interesting for me how detail oriented that I had to become. Because really, if I made a mistake someone could get hurt. So I think that was the biggest change of mindset that happened you know being my own business, taking care of the things that I need to take care of a typo in someone's email wasn't going to necessarily have the same effect as me, putting in a wrong number for a dosage or something like that, or you know the wrong, putting the wrong pill and so that was a very big change of mindset for me and having to become way more detailed oriented than I had to be normally.

Zaakirah Muhammad

I love that yeah it's definitely important especially in the online world especially nowadays where yeah one on bang.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah. Yeah, you got to censor yourself all the time.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Now, I want to kind of talk about you know personal growth and also your personal experiences so what have you experienced it been like growing up as a black Muslim.

Fousia Abdullahi

So, um, I grew up in Canada, which is, I mean to me growing up there, it wasn't bad. I didn't go through a lot of adversities that I could remember as a kid. None of the things where I was showing up to a classroom and I would be the only black kid or I would show up to an event, that'd be the only black kid or the only black woman. I didn't have to go through that there was a lot more diversity in the communities that I grew up in. But there's, it's not always the utopia that people who are in America or other countries make Canada out to be there's still that institutional racism there's still those biases. There's a lot of things that you don't see that sometimes do pop up. But I think having grown up there I have learned that, um, you know, I grew up a lot more comfortable than I am right now in America growing up, raising my kids to grow up as American Muslim kids, they face a lot more than I do. So I'm growing with them in that phase of their life and trying to navigate those waters a lot more than the communities that I grew up in and the experiences that I had, which weren't that bad I mean honestly there's always things that you learn about growing up in certain areas or things like that like you know you become street smart in different ways and you learn to deal with the biases that come with that. But it hasn't been as much as my growth right now. As a mom raising biracial kids who are half African and half, South Asian. So it's been really interesting to, to see that as well.

Zaakirah Muhammad

And I think that's a great segue to talk about how has it been good to 10 years of May, and not only marriage itself, but also different stigma around Muslim marriages, as well as interracial marriages, how did all of that been for you.

Fousia Abdullahi

It's, um, it's not as hard as people make it out to be. I think especially for my age group. I'm gonna I'm going to age myself really bad here, but I'm going to be turning 37 soon inshallah. And, um, and it's it's been interesting, I've grown up in outside of my home country which is Somalia. For the majority of my life I haven't lived there since I was about three or four years old. So my culture, and the things that the person that I am has a lot to do with second hand knowledge and learning about my culture through my parents through my relatives through stories. And I think the same is can be said for my husband as well who was born and raised in America. So we didn't have that where our two cultures are so prominent in our daily lives, that it would be different, it would become difficult to mix them and to learn about each other's cultures I grew up in a DC community as well in a, in a predominantly South Asian massages. You know when you go to the MSA events and all those kind of things, it's predominantly Arab and South Asian. I went to an Islamic school from eighth grade to graduating high school which is predominantly DC, so it wasn't a big culture shock. But I will say that you have to be a flexible person. You also have to realize that the marriage, it goes beyond you that there's two families that also needs to become blended and that you're going to be raising children who are trying to form three identities their, you know their mother's identity their father's identity as well as the identity of the country and the culture of the country that they're growing up in. So being open to the idea of being flexible and how you do things doesn't necessarily have to look like how other families do it.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely, yeah I think it's definitely has a great mesh, a great cultural mesh. Not only the Islamic community like that where they literally, it's not just African Americans, it's not just Africans who are most people of all ethnicities, who are in the latter great mesh of, you know, having to really learn, and even overcome adversity with rebellion because, even for me when I did attend one year of Islamic school but I did attend summer camp. It was just different because people will kind of look at me like, What are you, you know, because they see my mom and dad and then they see me and they're like, what are you that you get because I have a Muslim name difficult, my pocket, the religion of Islam. Yeah, you know doesn't make me any different from you. Yeah.

Fousia Abdullahi

So true. People think that

Fousia Abdullahi

that our identities are so different, but I think, especially when you grew up in Muslim households, a lot of the values and traditions we have are not necessarily from our individual cultures, but they're from Islamic cultures and once you get past that skin color or skin tone. It becomes really evident that we share that one basic culture.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely, yeah that's definitely the most important part of that. It's not about color and not about that at all. Yeah. Now, I guess, speaking of, not, not something not being discriminate. Let's move on to women's health. September actually is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month Polycystic away all the, you know, menstrual yeah you know this this you know syndrome that we all have to even talk about you experience.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah, so I experienced secondary filter infantry T. That basically means that I was, I had kids. Previously, and then when it came to trying to conceive later on. I was unable to right away. And that comes from a lot of different reasons. Mainly, it was because I was very vitamin D deficient. I had miscarriages, which led to miscarriages I had hashimotos thyroiditis which is an autoimmune disease where basically my thyroid gland is attacking itself thinking that it support agents and just trying to, you know, kill it off, which led to a lot of things like fatigue and, you know, things like anxiety and hair loss and dental issues also it's a whole gamut of symptoms that you can find with hashimotos thyroiditis. And there's also another version of the same autoimmune disease which is called graves disease which is instead of in hashimotos where your thyroid is hypo active, it's hyper active in graves disease, which is another thyroid autoimmune disease and a lot of people also experience infertility and other symptoms with it. So that was a period of my life that I went through that was difficult because, previous to that I didn't have a lot of major health issues, and it took doctors a long time to figure out all of these connections and what happened, and I was able to conceive. My youngest child who's five years old. And, you know, in spite of all those miscarriages and things like that. I think I just always continue to make sure that although would make the situation easier and that we would be able to have a healthy and happy child and. Uh hum de la back in 2015, we were blessed with our son, um, it's been it's been great to be able to parent him in, I think we've grown as parents as well our kids are now 1412 nine and our youngest is five. So like we're parenting at different ages so that's been really interesting.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Yeah, definitely. It's also kind of helped you to kind of be more appreciative of the fertility journey 192 Wow,

Fousia Abdullahi

yeah, yeah, yeah it's it's been, I think when you go through a difficulty like that. Any health difficulty, but especially one that leads you to believe that you may not be able to conceive ever again or if you don't have previous children you're unable to conceive at all. It really takes a mental and an emotional toll on you as the mom as the mom to be or as the spouse who's taking on the emotional workload of trying to help you come to terms with maybe this is a possibility that's never going to happen. And if it does happen, and you do end up getting pregnant dealing with the anxiety and the stress of, will you be able to carry to term, especially if you had previous miscarriages and just being hyper vigilant of every single move and act that you do because you're so worried that you're going to have to relive those painful moments again. So I always try to tell people who are going through this to be so gentle with yourself to be mindful of, you know not only what you're putting into your body but the emotions that are surrounding your house as well and the people that you interact with to be very mindful that because that takes a toll on you mentally and emotionally, and this is a time to kind of cut down as much of the stresses as possible. So you can relax enough to be able to, you know, take care of your mind and your body and your spirits and your gut health and all those things that inshallah will help you be able to conceive.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Okay, yeah, definitely, definitely a lot of great tips relatable tips as well as I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. And I want to come to a part in the pocket, where every kind of, kind of phone question but also questions that people could kind of learn from so I know you love reading, but maybe we just gave me three of either your favorite book or your highly recommended book at the moment, it could be on anything in podcasting life Islam, very bad.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah, so I am This comes as a surprise to people, especially being a Muslim woman, but I read a lot of romance novels and some of my favorite authors are Sandra Brown, Catherine Coulter Nora Roberts, and I read a lot of, I think I'm pretty much I think two of them have a new books out but I've been reading those series for years and years. So anything that they've written, I've really loved I don't have a favorite book, I tried to read a bunch of different types of stories and different authors. I'm not a really big fan of nonfiction, but I did recently read sister Linda sarsour his book, I'm not here to be a bystander, which was a memoir of her story I've got it right here on my desk. We did a podcast together recently, and this is her book, and it was really interesting to read and I'm not one for biographies or memoirs or things like that. But seeing her social media and her activism I felt compelled to read this book and it did not disappoint at all so definitely recommend if you're into nonfiction or that you want to like you know dip your toes in the nonfiction well that's one definitely to read. And I've got a couple of other books here as well. It's one that I'm currently working on is Muslim, cool. And this is by so Abdul Kabir, and it's just about you know race, religion, it says right here and hip hop and just you know meshing all of them together. I wish I could read, I'm Wish I could reach the rest of my bookshelf over here, but I'm trying to diversify my collection and getting more Muslim women's books. I just did an interview with a children's novel children's writer, Rama Radha she was on a previous episode of my podcast, and she reads writes to diverse children stories so I tried to read and create that bookshop that is very diverse, not just the Romans, Romans written by white women but like all these different creative black woman stories as well.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely, yeah those are great book recommendations. If you definitely want to learn more about not only Islam, but also the struggles in America I can tell,

Fousia Abdullahi

yeah yeah so Linda is a Palestinian American, and her story is very interesting to read so I'm proud to always read and support other Muslim women's books.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely. I love that okay so here's my megaphone question for you. When this is all over. Wait, the first place you want to travel to.

Fousia Abdullahi

Oh my gosh, so I was supposed to go to London with my sisters. A few weeks ago. And I actually had it on my calendar like I didn't have any flights booked or anything but I had like a 10 minute reminder on my phone that was like don't forget you're going to London and I had my sister's names on it. And that was I didn't purchase a ticket or anything because between planning it and then all of this pandemic happening it never came to fruition. Um, but I think I kind of want to see London I haven't been outside of Heathrow Airport I've always just been in transit like going if I was going back to, you know, one time when I was younger, we went to Kenya, so I wanted to, you know, go back to London, I would really love to see, you know, my grandparents, both of my grandparents are my both of my grandmother's are still alive, they're going through health difficulty so I would inshallah. I make sure that Allah heals them and that we have an opportunity to see each other again I haven't seen them for. Gosh, like 10 years they're both in Somalia. So I really want to go back and connect with my family over there having grown up here for the majority of my life. I'm meeting cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles that I've never gotten to me is very important and I hope that I get to do that soon.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Oh, you do.

Zaakirah Muhammad

And I think the last question of responses is, what do you want your legacy to be.

Fousia Abdullahi

That's a hard one. Um, I think my legacy is always tied to that of other Muslim and black Muslim woman. And I want to have been able to provide them with the space to be their authentic selves to share their stories as they would like it told. I'm from another Muslim woman, and to have that platform where they feel comfortable and safe and secure and they can share their struggles and they can share their triumphs and all those things without the stigma of just being a black woman or just being a Muslim woman, but as a human being who has gone through difficulties in life but has also become out a better person on the other end. So I want my legacy to be, you know, tied very closely to other Muslim woman, whether it's in the form of the podcast, whether it's the form of other interview mediums. But to have that platform as that time to secret I suppose Yeah, where it's a place for Muslim women to gather and celebrate one another.

Zaakirah Muhammad

I love that and I feel like you're you're already there especially for being on my podcast and living legacy podcast which is inspired by my book called seeing life through a different lens, but overcoming adversity. So you definitely touch on all of that, and I appreciate you being here. Now, for those who are audio listeners. You want to tell them where we can find you on the web, of course, we'll also leave it in the show notes we wanted to tell people where they can find you on the web and on social media.

Fousia Abdullahi

Awesome. I'm so I'm looking forward I see your back, your book in the background. So inshallah I'm going to get my coffee soon as well. Oh and add that to my collection. Yes, I love it. Um, so inshallah for those of you who are listening in the audio format, my podcast is called naptime is sacred. And you can find me at naptime and sacred calm on all my socials are at nap time is sacred. And the podcast is available wherever you listen to podcasts, which is Spotify Apple podcast Google podcasts, Stitcher SoundCloud, I Heart Radio all those places you can find the podcast inshallah, so I'm really looking forward to you guys tuning in and subscribing if you do tune in, please do leave a review, and shall help us grow and reach out to more Muslim women

Zaakirah Muhammad

and men this conversation has been sponsored by Lipson, which is the hosting podcast provider and also bother nap nap time is a good podcasting for that sense so be sure to check that out and definitely get tell your story your story needs to be heard and towed

Fousia Abdullahi

awesome yes it does and I'm excited to have been on your show and to learn a little bit more about you it's it's different for me to be on the other side of the microphone. I'm usually during the interview so it's been a great experience. Thank you so much for having me on.

Zaakirah Muhammad

It's so it's so it's so weird because my more my podcasting speaking opportunities, didn't come into after I thought of my podcast so I'm like, oh, but of course I'm learning to read like okay when I'm on a pod that I get to listen back and see how they do it.

Fousia Abdullahi

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, it's a whole experience my show a lot, thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it thank

Zaakirah Muhammad

you I'm glad it worked out as if remember to like we're here, right into September and we got to talk about infertility it's about a great

Fousia Abdullahi

yes yes, it's a it's a very important topic to share with people.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Absolutely. Well yeah, we'll definitely be in touch. I'm a we're definitely a cat so I'm also a brand cultivating chatter those are typically I like to stay empowered on their pockets if they want my podcast I'm like social media tips, okay they know Yeah, especially if I happen to have like online master classes and stuff like that I love the, you know, invite you to those and then otherwise we're definitely see each other online I'll let send you to. I'll send you I'm gonna get a headshot I think I kind of like the headshot that you've been using. I think you had like a pink You devil and I feel like that one. So I probably went on my Instagram. Yeah, we get that and you better the public.

Fousia Abdullahi

Okay, awesome sounds good thank you so much looking forward to how it all turns out it was it was a pleasure speaking with you inshallah. Let's keep in touch. I like to, even though I'm a bit flaky I'm working on getting my own assistant these days the kids homeschooling is kind of. It's throwing me for a loop and getting back to people, but inshallah Let's stay connected let me know what your projects are and what you're working on. I really love to be able to share those on Instagram and help everyone continue the work that they're doing and build their legacies.

Zaakirah Muhammad

Perfect. Thank you. Yes.

Fousia Abdullahi

Awesome. does aka Harrigan

Zaakirah Muhammad

banega like and Salaam.